Pit bull Pandemonium

By Lee Vander Boegh –

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of person the dog can eat. Nampa and Caldwell are both considering pit bull ordinances, according to this morning’s Idaho Press-Tribune (http://www.idahopress.com/?id=8213), and naturally several owners are up in arms.

“If this continues, it’s not just going to be the big dog breeds, but everybody’s dog will be at risk. They will find another breed they think is aggressive,” Caldwell resident Holly Gibson told the IPT.

Personally, I welcome a wide-ranging crackdown on dog breeds – especially if it includes boxers. My brother has one, Clarabelle, who can’t stop pooping. I love the dog dearly, but her ability to turn oxygen molecules into carpet surprises has scientists stumped. I don’t know much about pit bulls, but if their digestive systems even slightly resemble those of boxers, I’m in full support of a restrictive ordinance.

The new ordinance should read: “Anyone within a 17-mile radius of a pit bull must wear a suit of armor at all times and not smell like steak. Irrigation boots and nose clips are also required.’”