In Space, No One Can Hear the Toilet Flush

By Lee Vander Boegh –

I’m proud to bring you this very important, scientific update: the toilet aboard the International Space Station is fixed. It took a Russian cosmonaut more than two hours to replace the 35-pound malfunctioning pump that captured the attention of commode enthusiasts around the world.

Read about it here.

Because there is no gravity in space, an entire network of pumps and vacuums is necessary for each flush. Don’t ask me how it actually works because I’d rather not think about it. Or what would happen if instead of breaking down, the pump would have malfunctioned and vacuuming harder. Yikes. Now there’s an emergency room story that’ll make a medical journal.

But what CNN didn’t address was how the pump was replaced. More specifically, did the cosmonaut pull his space trousers down to mid crack? Did he show up about two hours late, look at the mess, quote about 35 bucks then bill NASA for $213 in parts in addition to labor? Then did he eat his lunch without washing his hands? Did he show up in a space capsule with a busted rear window and a “Keep honking, I’m reloading” bumper sticker?

More importantly, did he celebrate a job well done by peeing all over the toilet seat?