Flip Flopping the Real Issue

By Lee Vander Boegh -

Here’s a quick summary of how health sciences work: if you like something, a group of health scientists will deem it unhealthy. The newest example is the flip flop. Yes, the kind you wear on your feet. Yes, the kind you’re probably wearing right now – that is, assuming you’re still alive; after watching a news video on Yahoo.com, it seems like there’s a very good chance that simply touching a flip flop might kill you.

Before I go on, I’d like to say that I was once again misled by semantics. The video title used the term “Thongs,” not “Flip flops.” I don’t want to get into a verbiage discussion, but let’s just say this wasn’t the kind of video I was expecting. I know flip flops were once commonly called thongs, but when I think of the latter, the last thing I think of is feet. Then again, I do get easily confused about this kind of thing. No one around the IQ office says “Briefcase” any more after I showed up with a box displaying my BVDs.

But, returning to footwear, it doesn’t surprise me to learn flip flops are unhealthy. Why? Because they’re fun. Anything fun is automatically bad for you. I think that was one of Newton’s Laws of Physics. Anything I’ve ever considered fun carries serious consequences. Eating causes obesity, heart disease and death. Driving a car causes insurance premiums, greasy mechanics and death. Watching TV causes eye strain, laziness and death. Playing in a rock band causes upset neighbors, an expensive musical instrument collection and death. Wearing thongs (no, not flip flops) causes… well, I haven’t heard anything about these, but I suspect social scientists are working on it now.

And dont’ get any crazy ideas. I don’t wear thongs. Flip flops, sure. But not thongs. If you’re still unconvinced I can show you my briefcase.