Big Brown Pills

By Lee Vander Boegh –

I’ve finally figured out what made Big Brown lose his bid for the Triple Crown: he’s a drug addict.

Seriously.

The Idaho Statesman is reporting that his stable will be drug free by the end of the year, and his owners and trainers are encouraging others to do the same. (Read about it here).

Turns out that doped up horses are commonplace in the racing world. Can you believe that? After all the congressional hoopla surrounding baseball and that series of depressing ‘Don’t Do Meth’ ads, we just let horses wonder around like the Kentucky Derby is Haight Ashbury? No wonder Big Brown lost the Belmont, he’s a stoner. He’s the equestrian equivalent of a hippie. How many people named “Moonbeam” do you see running record times in the Olympic 400-yard-dash? None. Instead they’re hanging out in basements, saying “Man” and talking about government conspiracies.

What they should have done is ran the race at 3 a.m. and put a Jack In The Box at the finish line. Big Brown would have won by a margin of a half mile.